400 “Friends”

For most people, making and keeping friends is as easy as it gets. For some, it’s like writing JAMB the 10th time. I find myself in between the two extremes. I have friends, “friends” and friends?.

I signed into facebook this morning and found out my “friends” now number 400 (well its actually 398 but with 2 other pending requests, that would make it 400). First thing that came to my mind was “how can?” I barely even know 400 people let alone 400 friends. But looking at it again, I think I do have friends, though most of them are online friends and colleagues at work which is where I spend most of my time anyway. Outside online (blogsville inclusive) and colleagues (current and former), I doubt if I have up to 10 friends out there.

I used to have them a lot but now, I just don’t know what happened.

In the past (like 15years ago), my friends used to be my fellow chess players, school mates, Man Utd supporters, neighbours and their friends too. Then (like 6-10 years ago) it changed to my “TGIF” crew, school mates, Man Utd supporters, “ex’s”, colleagues, neighbours and few online friends. Today, 95% of my friends are either colleagues, blogger’s (most of whom I barely even know) or facebook friends.

I am getting used to the “virtual” friendships. Damn…..i miss dem days when you always meet and hang out with your friends….like today Friday

Variance Analysis......

Variance analysis is an accounting term used in budgeting or management accounting in general. It is a tool of budgetary control by evaluation of performance by means of variances between budgeted amount, planned amount or standard amount and the actual amount incurred/sold. Variance analysis can be carried for both costs and revenues.

Variance analysis (in the real world and in my own dictionary) is the evaluation of how actual events played out as against planned events.

I will illustrate with an example


PLANNED EVENTS
Date: May 29th 2008

Venues: Home in Mafoluku, The Place in Ikeja GRA, Ada k’ ibe ya (Isi-ewu joint in Ajao Estate), Kusimo Street, Surulere (Roasted Fish Joint), Nwanyi Ibuzor (Local joint near my house)

Activities: Visit all the joints mentioned above pre-arranged by friends and call other friends who live around the joints to join me there for a celebration


ACTUAL EVENTS
Date: May 29th 2008

Venues: Home in Mafoluku, Office in Victoria Island,

Activities: Left home by 8 am for office (..and it was supposed to be a public holiday), work till 6pm, receive a bad evaluation, received no birthday gifts (well apart from Chweety of course)


Going from the above parameters, and using my own definition of Variance analysis; this was by far the worst birthday I have had in ages.

Thank you Chweety for making it memorable and for those who forgot to wish me happy birthday, I will get y’all.

But heyy….looking on the bright side, it saved me money

TAG.COM

Rules:
1. Link the person/people who tagged you
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Mention six(6) spectacular quirks of urs
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers by adding their links
5. Let each of the tagged bloggers know they've been tagged..via their blogs

MY QUIRKS

1. I hate writing and dont love reading but cos of blogville, work and the fact i also have to broaden my knowledge and develop myself, i have to do them.

2. I hate being stood up (even for 5 minutes). I am too time conscious

3. I hate flying and at the same time hate sitting down for too long in a bus. That can only mean one thing - I hate travelling (except if i have to teleport)

4. I am addicted to sports (except cricket). I follow stories, actions, live events of practically all sports but most especially Football and Formula 1

5. I am CRAZY about cartoons and jokes. I have loads and loads of collections of Garfield and jokes from Jay Leno, Letterman, John Stewart, Colbert and the rest. It keeps me sane. if you are not on my mailing list, better apply now so i forward some of them to you everyday. some people already call me "clown" in the office

6. I cant tell a single joke. i suck at it. i cant even laugh at them....its that bad


OK so i tag Yankeechic, afrobabe, manda, Queenofmycastle, A.J, Toky

She fooled me….

Sometime last year, a blogger (name withheld) asked me if I wanted to be on the pages of a magazine because there was a piece she was doing on male blogger’s. It was supposed to be a follow up of a similar one for female blogger’s just weeks before then.

I agreed

She sent me questions via email; I replied and sent a couple of pics so she could choose the best for it.

Well, I think I did not reply on time or maybe my pictures were not fine enough but I don’t think she eventually published it. All this happened sometime late last year or so

Now, yesterday, this happened (on my yahoo messenger):

Ozofu: Congrats, I saw u on the pages of a magazine
Me: Emi ke? How? When? Which? Where?
Ozofu: On the pages of True Love
Me: R u serious? (but I thought True love was a womans magazine)
Ozofu: Yes, I am looking at it now. I will bring it over to the house tonight
Me: Did they put my pictures? And is it fine?
Ozofu: No, they did not
Me: Thank God

After that chat, I raise my head and tell all my team members I was on the pages of a magazine. I told them about the gist from last year and everything. Then I tell chweety that I was on the pages of a magazine. All this while I was looking for where I would quickly go and buy a magazine so I can read it.

5 minutes later, chweety tells me it was April fool

I felt like strangling Ozofu, if no be say I be God pikin I for show am pepper. My entire team members just dey laff me. chei, see my life

So, Blogville, please for my sake, lets look for “april fool” joke and play on ozofu. I don’t care even if its in December, we will call it “December fool” joke then. Pleaseeee, I dey beg, I must revenge and una must assist me

....and it went well

We were blessed, now we are one...

Married life has begun for me

Two stories of "2"...

STORY 1...

Today marks my 2nd year anniversary on blogville. It started like a joke and now here i am; 2 years later; 1645 profile visits; 45 posts and about 600 comments (sorry princesa, but i had to steal your style). Thank you all.

In a special way, i would want to thank Fatima for making me join blogville. Fatima herself, has not been in blogville for a while. i just hope she is ok. Infact her last post was in Sept 2006.
I would like to ask you all a favour; Please, visit Fatima's blog and tell her to update more often.
I know she has a yahoo 360 blog or so. I guess she i s spending all her time there or something


STORY 2...
I went for a seminar yesterday somewhere in Ikeja and just before it started we were asked to say an "opening prayer".

Now this prayer turned out to be the second stanza of our National Anthem. I did not think much of it cos i was sure i had said it like a billion times all through primary and secondary school.

We all got up, stood at attention and started singing...


O! God of creation
Direct our noble cause
Guide our leaders right (hmmm, whats the next verse again)
Help our truth the youth to know (noooo, it was supposed to be the other way round)
In love and honesty to grow
And live in just and peace (damn it, the whole hall was singing "and living just and true")
Great lofty hieghts attain (o yes, i remember this part now)
To build a nation whereeee peaaccee anndddd justiceee shallll reignnnnn

heyyyyyyyyyy(of course we did not sing this part. i only sang it in my head cos it was my favourite line in secondary school days)

All in all, i realised i aint patriotic enough, i cant even sing our national anthem well.

Too bad. Abeg make una go learn am ooo, because if any of us becomes minister or adviser tomorrow, we must sing it at the National Assembly ooooo.

I have said my own

In the Last 69 days.......

I have not blogged (well, except today of course)
I have missed two bloggers get together organized my Princesa (not intentional, I owe you an outing)
I have been depressed

I have been happy
I have been sad

I have been elated
I have laughed
I have rejoiced
I have traveled
I have seen
I have been seen
I have loved
I have hated
I have helped out
I have not helped out
I have been humble
I have been humbled
I have received
I have given
I have prayed
I have doubted
I have had hope
I have lost it
I have won
I have lost
I have loved my job
I have hated it too
I have proposed
....And she accepted

Lucky me

Last Update of the year.....

Hi all. Sorry i havent updated in a while. Too many things happening at the same time, but i thank God sha o, it could have been worse.

I wanted to do a different post but i changed my mind just as i was about posting it. it was supposed to be a sequel to a post i put up last year. I had it all typed out in a word document and all i had to do was "copy and paste" into my blog but....., i just dont know what happened.

It was supposed to be a tribute to my dad. December 15th would mark 15 years since he moved on. I wanted to tell him how well we have been doing by Gods mercies and how God has been a doing a wonderful work deputizing for him. I also wanted to tell him all our success stories for the year; from Mom to Iruka, Emeka, Viv, Uche, me, Ikenna, Chimezie and Nnamdi. The marriage in the family, his new grandson, my promotion, Iruka's Masters, Uche's new job and all that. Well, i guess it was giving away too many details (it was quiet elaborate) so i shelved it.

Anyway, this is what i could come up with that was close enough.

I also want to publicly apologise to blogville. So many of you(Jaybabe, Aijay, Princesa, Teediva, Cally, Solomosydelle, Obinwanne, Jaycee, Nikkisab, Ubong, B & B, Uzo, Mochafella, Isi, Ugo Daniels, Fantasy Queen, Onome, Rayo, Nyemoni, Arewa, QMC, Catwalq, Olamild, Sparkle, Bumight..e.t.c) come around and leave comments in my blog and i hardly ever do the same to yours. Please forgive me, its not intentional. i will do better from now on.

...and before i forget, i finally got rid of titi (my jalopy) and waiting to buy a new one. Still thinking of a name for her. I havent decided yet. suggestions would be appreciated, o rshould i just wait till i buy a new one?

HERE IS WISHING YOU ALL A LOVELY XMAS IN ADVANCE AND A WONDERFUL 2008.

HIP HIP HIP!!!!

HOOORAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell Ride..........

This was on the "Journey to Atlantis" ride at Sea World, San Diego. Guess who is in the top left hand corner?

Yep, thats me, "an ibo dude", scared as hell. All my machismo, this is where it ended.

Roller coasters, NEVER in my life will i enter one again. I died and woke up ten times in just minutes of this HELL ride. And you know the worst part, just seconds before this ride, i was holding the kid beside me telling him everything would be alright and now look who got scared. The kid just laughed all through the ride; i felt like smacking him.

Well, my only consolation was the guy on the first line. He was as scared as i was (if not worse). You can call me "Scareddy cat", "kid afraid", "wimp" or anything else for that matter. All i know is no more "hell" rides for me.

So the next time you want to tell me how much of a wimp i can be, take me on a roller coaster ride. But you and i know that would never happen.

Update!!!!

Finally…

An update

But not what you were expecting I’m sure. The truth is there is nothing to update. No story to tell and since I don’t want to be cooking up stories for the sake of updating I will just keep this as simple as possible.

Remember if you don’t like this post, just no kill yourself, just go to Isi, afrobabe and obinwanne’s blog and harass them cos na them send me this work.

Anyway the only thing that has changed for me since the last post is that my very good friend got married last Thursday, the 8th of November. Yep, Thursday. It was held in that Catholic Church in 1004 estate. Very lovely wedding; simple, small crowd and lots of food and drink. Too bad I could not drink cos I was supposed to head back to the office after the reception.

The couples have known themselves for a very long time. They went to the same university, dated for like 2 years or so but separated after a while. They eventually hooked up here in Lagos (as everybody don dey work now), got together again and decided to get married (sorry, I cant make it more romantic than this)

So, the true reason for updating is to dedicate this post to Okey and Vivienne and wish them a happy and fulfilled married life. Make una dey pray for them too ooo

….and for those who want to have a good laugh, please visit http://undacovasista-weareeverywhere.blogspot.com/. I almost died of laughter after reading the last post

Story,Story..........Story!!!!

Location......."Roundtable", Mammy Market, NYSC Camp,Ikare Akoko, Ondo State, Nigeria
Participants...3 Guys(including me) and a Lady
Date...........January 17,2002
Time...........around 9pm


This scene happened like 5 year ago. I dont think i remember the exact discussions that night cos there was too much alcohol flying around (and in my bloodstream) and i think it was also eve of our passing out of camp but i do remember something i said that evening. We were in our 6th bottle (even the chic too) and we were having a "wonderful" time and laughing aloud (apparently with that kind of alcohol). Then some lady walks by and the conversation starts....

Chic....Bros, see that babe wey win miss camp ooo
Everyone......Wey am? Where she dey? Which one? That one?
Chic....Yes, that tall one wey dey shake nyash so..
First guy.....She tall ooo
Second guy...Yes oo, This is my specs..
Me............Na everybody be your specs when u don drink

everybody laughs.......

Me..........But she no fine oo, how she come take win (and to think that i dont see very well in the dark cos of my spectacles. i wonder how i saw her facial look)
Chic........Argh argh, she try now, how u go talk like that, u no see her hieght?
Second Guy..Omo make i pursue am see whether i fit toast am...
Chic....sidon jo, na ur type? person wey all the ZI and Camp director dey pursue
Me......already..?
Chic.....Yes now
Me.......Na wao, who know whether na wetin make am win be that sef (see bad belle o)Chic.....but to talk true, na she fine pass all the other girls dem. People no too compete like that. Dem dey shame
Second guy..Wo, leave matter jo. Eh hen, Chic, wey that your room mate wey u wan arrange for me sef, i wan do wetin this useless boys(me and the other) don do for camp too. How i go carry full tank come camp, carry full tank go again.....

The night eventually drifts away.......

Anyway, the moral of the story is sometimes we sit down and judge other people even when we dont know them. In this case, i never even saw her b4 or even heard about her but i just said something out of the top of my head. That was bad.

The funny thing is that same girl, i met like 4 years later(i had no idea she was the one) and that is the same person i am planning on settling with (Chweety)

What an irony....or is it?

Apologies...........

Sorry guys. I know I haven’t been faithful to you all with regular update to my blog and even visiting and leaving comments in yours. I have just been lazy for the past weeks. Forgive me. Thank you to Ugo, Manda, Princessa, Nikkisab and all others who kept calling and reminding me to update my blog. The fact was there was not really much to blog about. Inspiration left me for a while. Don’t even know if its back. I guess all bloggers and writers pass through this phase once in a while.

Anyway, nothing much has been happening. Same ol’ same ol’. My work is still there, my family, my friends, my leisure activities haven’t changed much, Chweety is still there, and Titi is still there too (I haven’t changed her yet oo, the love is too much between us).

I visited Ghana for the holidays. Nice place to visit if you have your money. The revalued currency has really helped them. 1 US Dollar to 0.95 Cedis. They’ve got beautiful roads, clean streets, lovely beaches and beautiful ladies. What they say about Ghanaian girls and stature is 100% correct. They are heavily “endowed”. Their “IRUKA” and “AZUKA” is something else. It took me a while to get used to not starring. There are sooooo many Nigerians there either for business, pleasure or live there. Infact at a time I was thinking we actually outnumber them. They are quiet fun loving people and a much laid back unlike Naija people. Some say they are just lazy but I won’t totally buy that. An average Ghanaian might find it hard to fit and live in Lagos and Port Harcourt but maybe not Abuja or Akure. They take there time in doing everything. In all the food joints I visited (and believe me, they have like a million place to eat), it took an average of 1 hour for my order to appear. The other customers did not bother of course but me and my guys where always so impatient. No be our fault o, it’s just that a hungry man is an angry man. Then another thing was the food; apart from chicken, chips and burger, i could not eat there local food. Everything looked different from their name. Anyway i would post a couple of pics I took later or maybe would do that on my facebook. Here is a link to some of them anyway including videos http://picasaweb.google.com/maxifish/Ghana

Sweet Daddy D

Peanut and Jeff # 2

Desultory Thoughts…….

I feel like blogging but don’t know what to blog about, so I would just keep typing anything that comes to my head.

Ø I’m finally back in the office after over 14 months of being in a client’s site. The atmosphere is so much different. I almost forgot what it felt like. Now all I have to do is wait for another project to go on while using the break to develop myself better in other to deliver high performance to the next client. Fluffs……

Ø Oh, I almost forgot, I got promoted effective September. You know what that means..? More is expected of/from me and I also have to show I deserve to be where they put me.

Ø “Titi” (my jalopy) is really showing me pepper. I can’t wait to get rid of her. The other day, I was driving home and I was thinking aloud to my self what name I would give the new car when I get it and “Titi” decided to die on me. I had to beg her oooo. I pleaded and pleaded before she now started and managed to take me home. I am never saying anything bad about her in her face again. Once beaten, twice shy (in this case, 100 times beaten………)

Ø Manchester United is gradually moving up the table. Don’t worry “Reds” fans; we will get to the top gradually. We just have to beat Chelsea on Sunday. By the way I have the new home and away jersey with my name on it…..Awesome!!!

Ø I hope the luck Yar’Adua brought the nations football team will continue today as our Falcon’s play in the women’s world cup. If they lose, they would be on the next flight back to Naija. Yar’Adua, make ur luck shine today ooo

Ø The original name for this post was “ramblings” but I looked up the meaning on “wordweb” and I found “desultory” as a synonym. I thought it sounded fancier and if I used it, readers’ would think my English was out of this world.

Ø The link to the pictures I took in the US. I spent most times taking the pics, I forgot I had to be in it. http://picasaweb.google.com/maxifish/Americana

Well, I just ran out of ideas on what else to write. I guess this will do for now. I’ll just have to go visit other blogs to make comments. Oops…I forgot I have a whole lot of CBT’s(Computer Based Training) to do. I guess I have to do the comments later.

The Last 4 weeks......

It has taking me more than 2 weeks just to come up with this lame post.

It was supposed to be a poem of some sort.

It was supposed to talk about all i did in the United States for the last 4 weeks - the training, the friends i met, the food (omo, naija food sweet o), the new cultures i understood, the loooooong hours of flight(i hate flying), the humongous pizza i consumed (i am not crazy about pizza's too), the long walks in the shopping mall (i hate shopping), the different american english accents i observed, the beautiful places i saw, the skyscrappers, the $23 haircut, the happiness Americans derive from getting drunk (trust me its some kind of sport or hobby), the air and water show in Chicago, the tours and visits to Chicago Street pubs, The jamaican bar in LA (Forbidden City), CNN headquarters, Olympic Park and the CocaCola Company in Atlanta (they bottled a special bottle for me, i even brought the bottle back to naija), the Tour to Seaworld in San Diego (Never entering a roller coaster in my life again, Never....), the walk on Hollywood boulevard, visit to the Universal studios(city), the beach, beverly hills and Bel Air, my first train ride ( i enter subway too), the Limo rides, the beautiful cars i saw (even pimped out rides), the shopping, the weather (during summer, 8pm is like 12 noon) and a whole lot of other stuffs.After that i was now supposed to say how much i missed Naija, my job (i cant believe i am saying this) and most especially my lady love; CHWEETY.

Well, i guess thats all for now and with all the excitements i forgot about Charles Memorial (http://an-ibo-dudes-corner.blogspot.com/2006/09/if-i-die-today.html) So painful.

A night in Chicago.........

(A) Arriving in a Limo

(B) Dont even know the name of this sports car but i'm loving it

(C) Me, Marion, Dave and Matt (Team 1, Section 3)

(D) Chicago Skyscrappers

(E) Bella Bacino's Pizza. The biggest and best pizza in Chicago

(F) "Shenanigans"- Chicago hotspot

Tokunbo Post......

Correct me if i'm wrong but i think "Tokunbo" means "made or born away from home" or "something from abroad" abi?. If thats the case, then this is the first post on my blog out of Naija. yipeeeeeee.

I really dont have much to write about. Actually i do have things to write but not co-rodinated enough to do so. The training here is something else. Its not as if its hard sha oo, its just that my head don dey block small small. i think its cos of old age and the fact that i have not been in a learning environment like this in like 7 years. Infact since i left university. Come see as small small children dey carry me shine. Before them even ask question, dem don answer. Na wa ooo. But all in all i think i am enjoying it sha, atleast i am trying to. I have been waiting for this training since i joined my firm but it hasn't been easy.

Some highpoints of my trip and my stay here in St charles (some of it anyway)...:

• I have had to battle anxiety (all the time i was waiting to come down here)

• My job satisfaction
  
• Embassy and visa wahala
  
• 14 hours of sitting during my flight down here and 4 hours wait at the airport. and to think that i hate flying. even the 1 hour flights to abuja na problem for me
  
• Immigration wahala (1.even the dog at Schiphol Airport wey dey catch drug dealers smell me out, they had to take me to a special room for searching, can u imagine? 2. the US immigration guys no even send me, i stood in front of him like over a minute and he ignored me and was talking to his colleague, i felt like punching him)
  
• There is soooooooooo much food here. I'm sure its part of the plan of the training facilitators to make us fat finish before we leave. na so so meat i dey eat cos the other food no jell for my body. (bush man abi?).
  
• I could not sleep in the first 48 hours i came here. arrived here 12pm on sunday the 12th, first time i closed my eyes was on early hours of 14th, Tuesday and i could not even sleep on the plane sef, so its even longer than the 48 hours
  
• I think say i sabi speak english before, omo, nothing oooo
  
• Their beer aint that bad. infact its better than i expected. but when u check the cost price it aint worth it.i don spend like $40-$50 (thats like 6-7k naira) on beer in 2/3 days. one bottle of small heineken na $3 but i prefer to buy the pitcher of $10:50. thats like 4 glasses of beer. I no dey drink alone sha
  
• Nobody wants to dance here, or rather nobody can dance here. all they do is get drunk and make noice and go to bed; strange (all thos oyinbo music videos na fake oooo, na now i know why mostly blacks appear in their videos)
  
• They are really nice people here. they all want to mix but its hard for them cos half the time they cant understand us (me actually). They think i'm from space or something
  
• You cant tell the difference between 12noon and 8pm. the sun still shines (very strange)
  
• And the smell of my fart is strong and really really repulsive (yuurk, maybe its the food and weather)
  

Anyway, will add more stuffs when i can think of them. right now u can enjoy the view of the training facility. thats the pics i posted up there

Any Ideas…?

Hi all

I would like some tips and advice

I need to know about interesting places to visit and wonderful sites to see in Chicago (St Charles), LA and Atlanta. I would be in those cities between 12th August and 6th September. The first two weeks would be in St Charles, Illinois for training. Then I move to LA from the 25th to see my sister. I would leave LA for Atlanta on the 30th to see my other sister and return to Naija by the 6th of September. I don’t think they would have time for me when I get there (cos of work) and I intend to enjoy myself. So any fun place (clubs, beaches, malls, cinema, shows, carnivals e.t.c) would be appreciated.

And if there are any bloggers reading this and living in those areas, abeg make una come show me road ooo, make I no lost for there.

Anybody in blogville in those areas? Holla back through my email (maxifish@gmail.com)

Is it Really Worth it.......?

Ever wondered how hard we work to fill our life with luxuries that we hardly have time to enjoy.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY... The luxury Cars, Toyotas, Land Cruisers, Rav 4's; Mercedes that are parked 8 hours (on the average) driven 40 min to the office and 40 minutes back home 5 days out 7 (i.e. 6 out of 168 hours in a week)....(except for those who stay in lasgigi of course)

And whilst we sit on a not-so-comfortable chair in a small room called an office your Mansion lies idle with only the House Girl enjoying herself to the 'bacon and egg breakfast' (or maybe ogi and moimoi) relaxing on that very expensive leather sofa that we only sit on when we get home...

and being so tired we just doze off to sleep anyway.

When tired of work she takes a break turns on the Plasma TV and spoil herself with the fully subscribed DSTV (or HiTv), of course if she feels bored she can always turn on that brand name Hifi and swing a bit...

And whilst all that is happening where are you?...you are eating a cheap take away lunch (fries from TFC or Mr Biggs) everyday and oh by the way there is no breakfast really, because it's just a cup of tea a few slices of bread probably with some left-overs from yesterday's supper (for the fortunate few).

Every moment you pray that it could just get to 5pm so that you can drive home and join... the House Girl!! (Poor you!). So this is your miserable lot for the rest of your working life... by the time you retire you'll have no pleasure in them anymore. By now your children would have joined in the Rat Race of finding a good job working very hard and never enjoying the fruits of their labours... its all vanity

isn't it?

SO MY QUESTION IS... WHO IS ENJOYING THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOUR BETTER...


YOU OR YOUR HOUSE GIRL?


(ok, ok, i admit, its not original but it was a damn good read....lol)